Toy Story 3 :'(

Tonight, my dear friend Resa and I watched Toy Story 3. We knew exactly what we were getting ourselves into, last time we watched (back in october) the sobbing lasted for 2 hours after the movie ended. We both needed a good cry, and boy did we get it.

Toy Story 3 was made for us. Legit. It came out the summer we graduated, and the year we all began to move on past childhood for good. We graduated along with one of the best Disney movies.

As I watched grown up Andy driving away from what defined his childhood, I was overcome with sadness. As I sat there crying into chipotle napkins I couldn't help but remembering packing up my room, saying goodbye to all of my friends and my kittens and driving away, towards this ominous future I knew nothing about.


I got to college thinking I had a pretty good head on my shoulders and being sure of what I wanted to get out of the experience. I thought I was grown up enough to know what my future held. Not only was I wrong about all three of those things, each aspect was QUITE the opposite. 


I had no idea what I was doing, I had no clue what I really, truly wanted to do with my life, and now all I want back is my childhood.


We all grew up too fast. We were thrown into a society where children are expected to know the world by age 13. I got caught up in the "big sister pretending she's mom role", then the "running away from my problems role", and finally the "if i pretend like i know what I'm doing, maybe i'll somehow find out."


Through this destructive pattern I lost the basis of who i was. I was torn down by the world, my family problems, and my own "wanting to be a grown up". I am only now discovering the person I really am. I am only now beginning to grow up. This pseudo young woman I had been since I was 12 was an act that I eventually taught myself to believe.

It's funny. Now that I'm actually growing up, I miss my childhood more than ever. I miss simplicity, I miss unconditional joy, I miss the little things. even if I only had it for a few years, I wish I could have it back. 


I know wishing will get me no where fast, but I do know what I can do today. I can try to gain back aspects of my childhood, and live for the moments I have left. We will continue to get older, whether we want to or not. We will have to make grown up decisions day after day, but maybe we don't have to loose our childhood. We can still be silly and fun loving, but just in a more adult way..or something like that. Who knows? Maybe neverland exists somewhere, or in some people.


Oh jeez it's 3:30...sorry for the rambling folks, just had to get the thoughts off my chest, goodnight!